We did it!

What a mixture of emotions that I felt this week.
Dakota was so happy and I was happy for her.
She picked out her outfit.

Leela slept so I could focus on dakota.

I made her a healthy breakfast and sat with her and chatted.

She was thrilled to see Marie and they were off.

Before heading into class she talked to daddy and gaggi.

Monday was great, I dropped her off then went to workout
no tears for either of us... Until I picked her up and then she melted
down because she wanted to stay and have lunch.
We worked through it, kind of.
And then daddy brought home flowers for the big girl.

Wednesday again I dropped her off no tears for either of us.
I ran home did some chores then went to my workout.
Easy pick up because we were headed to the park with some friends.
Then came thursday, thursday I just went home and put on some music and did some cleaning.
The thing about cleaning is while I was dusting I could focus on the pictures of my sweet
Dakota Lilllie when she was little little and it just crushed me.
She is growing up way too fast.
Everything is moving so fast.
So I had this major emotional breakdown and then she broke down when I picked her up
over the lunch thing.
At the beginning of the week I thought I was not emotional.
I thought all my angst was over the idea that I am somehow failing her.
Failing her as her teacher.
Not providing enough of the right stimulation.
But then thursday came and it was all of that and then some.
Good thing I have a beautiful baby,
otherwise I would try to figure out a way to stop children from growing because it is really hard on me.
So here it is sunday night and we start again tomorrow.
I am working in her room tomorrow and she is excited about that
which makes me happy because I failed to mention above
that last monday she wanted me gone!
She had claimed school as a parent free zone.
She soon realized that other parents were there and I guess came to terms with it.

Dilema

Dakota is starting preschool monday and I am excited and really sad.
I am excited because she has been asking for a very long time.
I am excited because I know she will have a blast.
I am excited that I can do chores at home while she is gone
and I won't feel guilty that I am not playing with her.
I am sad because I want to be her teacher and right now I am failing that assignment.
I am sad that there is somewhere she wants to be that is away from me.
I am sad that she is getting older.
Don't get me wrong I am excited for these changes as well but sad too.
I have thought that I was going to be a homeschooling mama and I hope that I still will but then I think maybe she will do better if I am not her teacher.
Maybe not.
She can't take her shoes off at school, this is going to be very very difficult.
She has to wipe her own bum when she goes poop.
That is going to be messy.
If she falls...when she falls I am not going to be there.
Some will say they have to cut the strings, she has to grow up.
But at four she doesn't need to grow up at four she can need me as much as I need her.
Everyday she becoming more independent, without my help.
Here is to a sad and wonderful monday.

always good times

Do you love my outfit? Yes it is a bit much and yes I feel silly posting it but come on I look good right and dakota hand selected each piece just for me. Including the boots which I bought many moons ago, check out the lift on them. And really everyone deserves a good laugh now and then... so this is my present to you.

We have been a busy crew. We have been just enjoying each other and playing with friends and living life.
A couple weeks ago we had a play date over here at our house.
It was fun the kids played inside outside and everywhere in between.
My girlfriend andi had her baby, anya, she is about six weeks younger than leela.
They are pretty darn cute. Then for more fun we added fletcher in with the ladies he is a year older than leela and is my birthday buddy.

Lots more swimming.

And lots more growing for leela.

We went to the fair on saturday with our friends brock and gretchen and their daughter kyra.

The girls had a blast together and us adults ate our way through.

I also busted out the paints the other day and some things never change, dakota painted on paper then herself, my funny girl.

And while Dakota does really nap anymore (I am working on getting them back) the other day she did and she and leela shared their first nap together.

Thrush Thrush hurry hurry and leave my girl Thrush Thrush

Any Paula Abdul fans out there get that funny title, hehehe.
Yes thrush glorious painintheasssoannoyedwantittobegone thrush.

It all started with what I thought was a run of the mill diaper rash
but no, not your run of the mill diaper rash
your I am not leaving you can't get rid of me rash.

So called my midwife, beautiful glorious karni, and she suggested without delay get her and I
both on gentian violet gave me instruction and the put monostat or some thing like that on her bottom.
Well stupid me got the monostat but headed for the doctor just for another opinion. The funny thing is karni trusted me enough to say yes what you are describing sounds like thrust treat it this way. But I didn't want to trust that, I wanted to hear something else I guess I wanted to hear an easy answer.
So we went to the doc who confirmed yes it was a yeast diaper rash but he could see any signs in leela's mouth so he said to just use the monostat, which I was thrilled because the only thing I want leela ingesting right now is milk.
But the stupid rash would go away and then come back the moment I stopped the monostat.
So I decided that I needed to treat her, all of her. And still it persists and I am about to lost my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leela has another two days on the gentian violet, I am going to see karni today and we have an appointment with the doc. So so so annoyed and frustrated.
In more exciting news dakota is a swimmer. I am not sure what changed her mind about dunking in the water but watch out world she is a swimmer.

Randy got a pretty big blow up pool from target on sale for $15 and it is a good size and she just decided she wanted to swim from one end to the other.

We have been staying busy playing with friends.
Dakota has a couple more weeks of dance before they close for the month.
Visit with grandma was great.
When dakota was about 6 weeks old we flew with my mom to see my grandma because she had open heart surgery. So it has been nice that she has gotten to bond with both my girls when they were/are very young.
Last wednesday we did our usual dinner with the family
and it was my turn to cook and I did my stand by pizza's.
Dakota had ideas of her own and asked if she could have a ball of dough.

She made a pretty good fat little calzone thing with mozzarella, goat cheese and capers, and it was good.....
And I had nothing to do with it I handed her the dough and I moved her creation into the oven, that was the extent of my involvement.
It is already wednesday again we are headed to farmers market then tonight I think derek is doing stir fry with a bunch of veggies from their garden should be very tasty!

Kids can have fun anywhere

Yesterday we were going to head to the park with Sierra and her girls
but first we were going to go by sierra's to get the girls fed.
Well we hadn't been there long before the girls started playing out back
and then some more friends came over and before you know it
the back cement is the best place to be.

I love that, I love that fun is anywhere and everywhere

and kids are the best at reminding us of that.
Leela, Sierra and I hung out in the shade
watching and laughing
and always chatting
and snoozing.

I may have mentioned this already but sierra and i have been friends since we were nine and ten. My family lived in a the condo downstairs from her family, it was awesome.
It is funny when you have known someone that long you would think that you have talked about everything but still we can talk for hours.

Leela had a bath the other day and I washed her head/hair for the first time.

She really likes water and bathing but she was not thrilled about the wet head.
Is it wrong that I love that picture, how cute is that sad face? Very cute!

She is already feeling big to me, she is growing too fast and it has only been five weeks! I once heard that women who nurse make different fat content milk and I think with dakota I made skim and with leela I am making whole, funny. Dakota was chunky for awhile and then it all went away and she was this tiny little mover and shaker.
I need to pull some of dakota's baby pics, our computer crashed so I only have them on disk now and haven't looked at them in awhile.
Five very awesome wonderful weeks. I was looking at a preggo picture thinking that was you (you being leela).
All cozy in my tummy growing and kicking, absolutely amazing.
My grandma is in town and this weekend so are my aunt, uncle and cousins.
And later my other aunt, uncle and cousin are coming for a bbq, good times ahead.

Little Photographer and Good times

So I have been meaning to post some photos but alas my time has been not spent at the computer.
Dakota has been really into taking pictures lately and while I know handing the camera over to a four and a half year old (we had a half birthday for dakota and now she corrects everyone, where as before the half birthday she would if someone asked her how old she was she would come ask me) anywho so I hand over the camera and then I get these presents when I upload the photos. I may be her mother, but I say the girl has talent.

This is her photo study of what used to be an outside candle holder.

I love how she got it from different angles and up close.

Funny lady.

There are more photos but I don't think you all would get the same enjoyment that I do so I will leave it at that for now.

Our little leela is growing and just putting a smile on my face everyday and she is smiling too and I just love it.
This morning she was smiling for dakota which was sweet and probably the first time for real.
Dakota seems to want to be in her face so leela can't focus on her and if dakota is not too close she is moving a million miles a minute. So today I really tried to explain stay a little ways back and sure enough the smiles came with ease.

There is something about a person smiling just because they see you that makes you feel like a million bucks.

In-Love

dakota and gaggi at 3am

What an amazing couple of weeks. Our beautiful miss Leela Amber is here and she is beautiful and smells of a new baby and I am just overwhelmed with emotion and love and adoration.

I have to thank my mom for blessing me with awesome birthing genes. Our little lady was born at home (actually my parents home where dakota was born). And while this sounds crazy I love labor and delivery. I love it like I loved the marathon while I was running it I was not so sure I loved it

but once I was done looking back I loved it.
She was born at 742 am and so it was a very peaceful, calm morning. My mom and dad were there of course as was dakota and randy and also my girlfriend tisa
and all of them helped me in ways only the ones who love you can.
And beautiful, amazing, wonderful karni, my midwife, who words can not describe the care and love and support she gave me as well as diane her assistant who was also there with dakota. Both of them are just beyond words.
Dakota was amazing
she would sway with me during me contractions, which she thoughtfully referred to as concentrates because tisa had explained to her that while I was having a contraction I needed to concentrate. But she stayed through it all and at one point she tried to shush me because I was getting to loud for her comfort.
Like dakota lillie, leela amber came fast. I would say all in all I was in labor for about four and a half hours. And there were times I was thinking in my head 'I can't do this, they are going to need to get me to the hospital for some pain meds' but we didn't and she arrived healthy and beautiful.

Dakota is an awesome big sister! She loves her little sister A LOT! And I think so far the transition for her is going well.
We have had a busy four weeks. Last weekend not only was dakota a flower girl (daddy was the best man) in a wedding but she also had her first dance recital. Saturday was the wedding
and she was beautiful and she and her friend kyra danced the night away.
Then on sunday she was up on stage tap dancing away.
Well the dance number was a little questionable but she was so cute it brought tears to my eyes.
When I say questionable I mean there was some dancing, some silliness, some standing, some looking around, some waving, it was a hoot.
Other than that we have been trying to get out more and more to the parks to play with friends. It is impossible to keep a four and a half year old in, especially when her name is dakota lillie, aka girl on the go.

I am loving life with my two girls and while it is so hard in some ways randy being out of work right now it has been wonderful having him home with us. He gets up with dakota on the days when I am up more with leela at night and just the time he is getting with us is really a blessing. It has been hard getting on the computer but I would like to start posting more so we shall see, but that is all for tonight.